The Latest
me applying for a job
- interviewer: sir the only thing you've written on this application is "I love hell" in really big letters
- me, lighting the contents of the trashcan on fire: i'm sorry are you talking to me
“George is my pet goldfish. He was a birthday present, and over the past 10 years he’s lived a very privileged life, swimming in my backyard pond. One day I noticed a bump, and over the next few weeks the strange growth expanded to the size of an olive. Panicking, I told Tristan, the vet at my work, and he confirmed it was a tumour. ‘What can we do?’ I asked. ‘I can operate,’ Tristan said. Over 45 minutes, he cut away the tumour, using tiny stitches and glue to put the wound back together. Then, with bated breath, I waited while Tristan placed my little mate into the resuscitation bucket. Minutes later, his tail started swishing and, before I knew it, he was swimming around, alive and well! Some people wouldn’t consider going to such lengths for a goldfish, but George is family - and for family, we would do anything.”
- Lyn Orton, 50, Hoppers Crossing, Victoria, Australia
(via laughcentre)
#shotsfired
these girls r fkin hypocrites they were literally an accident in a laboratory wtf who do they think theyre foolin
(via laughcentre)
